Linkspam for supporters of ace survivors


A selection of posts from RFAS’s recommended reading list, plus a few extras.  See also @resourcesforacesurvivors‘s #for supporters tag, as well as the education category on our website.

This is very much a work in progress, so feel free to recommend additional links/resources/categories!

In general, it is best to assume that all of these have trigger warnings for sexual violence attached.  Many (but not all of them) have additional trigger warnings listed at the top.  Proceed with caution and respect your triggers!

Basic information on asexuality and sexual violence

Asexuality 101

The Twisted Logic Used for Trauma by @captainheartless​ is about how asexuality is taken as an indication of trauma, and asexual people (especially those who have been traumatized) are expected to search for their “real” selves.

On Sexual Abuse, Repulsion, and Aversion in the Asexual Community by @rainbow-after-the-stormy​ addresses the idea of trauma shaping identity (including sex-aversion/sex-repulsion), and ultimately rejects the idea that an identity influenced by trauma is “fake.”

Challenges faced by asexual spectrum survivors of sexual violence by @queenieofaces​ is what it says on the tin.

For friends and family

Stop bringing up sexual assault to dismiss asexuality! by @swankivy

Pro-tips for interacting with Rape/Sexual Assault/Sexual Abuse Survivors by @buxombibliophile

How to Be an Ally to People with PTSD by Lydia Brown

“That totally happened to me, too!”: The Urge to Relate by Miri

How Not to Say the Wrong Thing by Susan Silk is about “comfort IN, dump OUT.”

Avoiding Awkward: A conversation about how we talk about rape when we talk to survivors by SCAR

Supportive Words for the Gray Areas by Coyote is about how to affirm people’s experiences and feelings even when they won’t or don’t want to refer to what happened to them as rape or sexual assault.


Why Triggering Someone Is Not Therapeutic by @shulamithbond

On friendships, part 1: feeling I am not entitled to friendship, and I am a burden by Elizabeth is a personal narrative about the difficulty the author has had getting support from friends as an ace survivor.

For activists and ace community leaders

Things supporters can do to actively make ace spaces more welcoming for ace survivors of sexual violence by @queenieofaces

Disingenuous, “shallow” support by Elizabeth is about how passively supporting survivors isn’t enough and abuse can even come from in-group members (such as other aces).

Here goes everything by @queenieofaces is about the way that ace survivors’ narratives are utilized for specific political means in ace communities, while survivors themselves are ignored and silenced.


A revolution for the crooked souls by @lemonyandbeatrice​ is about the ways in which the Unassailable Asexual and the Model Rape Survivor intersect.


Responsible Sharing: When to Avoid Linking a Survivor’s Story by Elizabeth is what it says on the tin.

Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices series by @queenieofaces is a step-by-step guide to how ace survivors are utilized in political arguments, and suggestions for how to talk about ace survivors in a sensitive, non-exploitative manner.

For ace advice blogs

Basic Resources for Ace Advice Blogs and Examples of Bad Ace Advice by Coyote

Please give survivor-competent ace advice! by @queenieofaces

“Is this abuse?”: A Guide for Aces and 5 Tips for Identifying and Handling Abuse as an Advice Blog Mod by Coyote

For health professionals

Asexuality Basics for Health Care Professionals Printable Info Sheet by RFAS (en Español)


Advice for Therapists of Asexual Clients by Coyote

Why It’s Okay to Refuse Therapy by Stormy is about how avoiding therapy can be healing, especially given the difficulty in obtaining proper care if you belong to a marginalized group.


See also this collection of posts on asexuality and mental health.



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