To build an unimaginable future (or, Queenie is way too jazzed about queer futurity)

This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.  It was originally posted on Tumblr.

This post was written for the April 2018 Carnival of Aces on “All the birds but us…”  In typical Queenie fashion, I’m getting this in at the last possible second, but if you can type at supersonic speeds, consider writing a submission as well!

Content warnings: spoilers for a movie that came out in 1939, some pessimistic talk about the future and trauma

In spring of 2014, I was assigned a portion of Lee Edelman’s No Future for a class.

I hated it.

I hated it so much, in fact, that I vagueblogged about how much I hated it.  I hated it so much that I decided that I was going to prove Lee Edelman wrong with every part of my existence.  Like many things that I start as semi-jokes, it very quickly became not so much a joke as a way for me to conceptualize why what I was doing mattered.

Yeah, this is it.  This is the post where I finally talk about queer* futurity.

Continue reading “To build an unimaginable future (or, Queenie is way too jazzed about queer futurity)”


On burning out (and phoenixes)

This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.  It was originally posted on Tumblr.

This post was written for the February 2017 Carnival of Aces on the topic of Resistance, Activism, and Self-Care.

Content warnings: discussion of anti-ace hostility and familial rejection, mention of sexual violence

It’s hard for me to pinpoint the moment when ace blogging stopped being fun and started being anxiety-inducing.  By the time I was writing my Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices series, anxiety had me checking and double-checking and triple-checking and obsessing over every single word–I’m proud of the end product, but getting to that product required way more energy than it should have.  But even before that, I think I was already starting to burn out.

It’s not hard to point at particular factors that led to burnout.  There’s the fact that I’m a healer in a community full of people who would prefer to DPS, that I’m trying to heal while being hit with friendly fire pretty constantly.  There are the waves of hostility/“ace discourse” (are aces queer, are aces oppressed, are aces invading LGBT spaces, are aces harming real LGBT people, etc.), which, while I’ve seen it all before, does wear on you, especially if your experiences are constantly being leveraged as “proof” of one thing or another.  There are the stresses of school–I passed my qualifying examinations last year, which ate up pretty much all of my time for 9 months and then left me wiped out.  Then the election happened in November, and I had to do crisis control in my immediate social circle (mostly successful) and try to shore up my already crappy mental health (less successful).  Obviously I was going to burn out–it’s only impressive that it took this long.

Continue reading “On burning out (and phoenixes)”

Resilience through fiction, or that time I wrote a vampire novel that was secretly about trauma

This post has been cross-posted to the Resources for Ace Survivors wordpress.  It was originally posted on Tumblr.

This post is for the June 2016 Carnival of Aces, which is on the topic of “Resiliency.”

Content warnings: discussion of trauma and violence (sexual and not), mentions of substance abuse and suicidality and self-harm, all in the context of talking about a work of fiction

Between 2008 and 2011 I wrote the longest piece of writing (fiction or non-fiction) I’ve ever produced–a 133,472 word, 251 page (single-spaced) vampire novel.  I poured most of my creative energy into it for 3 years and then just hid it away in my hard drive.  I returned to it recently, when I mentioned in a conversation to a friend and suddenly became intensely curious whether it held up or not.  For the terminally curious, I liveblogged my reread, but this is not really a post about the vampire novel I wrote (thank goodness–no one wants to read about that).  Instead, it’s a post about resilience, how the vampire novel I wrote helped me process a lot of the things going on in my life, and the extent to which I can gauge how much I have grown and changed by looking back on it.

Continue reading “Resilience through fiction, or that time I wrote a vampire novel that was secretly about trauma”

The Five Factor Model of Relationships

This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.  It was originally posted on Tumblr.

This post was written for the May 2015 Carnival of Aces, which is on the topic of Identity, Labels, and Models.  I think I went in a bit of a different direction than most of the other submissions, but hopefully that’s okay!

A while back I mentioned my relationship model in the comments section on one of Elizabeth’s posts, and apparently a lot of people were very interested in it.  Now that I’m finally done with finals, I have a spare moment to type it all up.

Continue reading “The Five Factor Model of Relationships”

Teeny tiny linkspam on asexual experiences and asexual communities

In honor of this month’s Carnival of Aces, I present to you a teeny tiny linkspam of pieces where people talk about shared “asexual experiences” (beyond “experiences little to no sexual attraction”) and/or the culture of asexual communities.  I actually started composing this linkspam several months ago…but then I got waylaid by school.  I guess I could have called this a linkspam about “asexual culture” (mirroring the Carnival theme), but I thought the experience + community themes were more salient in a lot of these pieces.

Things I have learned from composing this linkspam: The people most likely to write long things about asexual communities/201 experiences mostly blog for The Asexual Agenda????  I could compose an entire linkspam just of stuff Sciatrix has written (and it would be great, because Sci’s a great writer), but I’ve tried to go for a more diverse selection, so I’ve cut a number of pieces by TAA writers I could have included.  (That said, it’s still heavily skewed toward TAA writers, oh well.)  Also, I’m not including any pieces from this month’s Carnival, even though all the ones I’ve seen so far have been great.

Anyway, enjoy the linkspam.

What it means to be asexual (aside from a lack of sexual attraction)

If You Can See the Invisible Elephant, Please Describe It by Sciatrix

Superlative by aceadmiral

Switching On Airplane Mode by Sciatrix

Coming out (and coming out [and coming out {and coming out}]) by queenieofaces (here on The Asexual Agenda)


Need to know? by Sciatrix

Asexuality as an integral or undetachable identity

Asexuals aren’t “just like everyone else, minus the sexual attraction” by queenieofaces (here on The Asexual Agenda)

(Un)Detachable Sexualities: A Hypothesis by Jo

The Integral Identity by Katie

Why You Should Care by Sciatrix

Asexual culture and asexual communities

It’s Complicated, Let Me Draw You This Graph: Asexuality and Reductionism by Sciatrix

The asexual community is a terrible place to hide from your sexuality by queenieofaces (here on The Asexual Agenda)

aceadmiral on asexual community dogma (and captainheartless‘s response)

Discussion Bubbles in the Ace Community by Coy

Identity and inclusiveness

What It Means to be Ace: Building Community on Shared Experience by Jo (here on The Asexual Agenda)

“Am I asexual?”  “Who can say?” by Sciatrix

How identity is like a democracy by Siggy

Ambiguity and Definitions discussion